There are a lot of moments in life that I can’t remember. Many are fleeting and most moments in life are filled with mundane tasks. Rememberable for the day, but in the long run, those memories meld together. Some moments in life are however almost impossible to forget. One of those moments for me was the day I decided to become a Stay at Home mom. (SAHM)
Not My Original Plan
If you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you might come to know that being a SAHM was never my original plan. I had many other plans in life. MANY. None of them were along the lines of staying home, having more than 2-3 kids and homeschooling them. You might also read that learning of my son’s diagnosis of Autism had a place in my decision, but the reality is that it was a mixture of experiences that led me down this broken road to the SAHM life.
I had floundered around, trying to find my place.
Up until the day that I made that decision, I had floundered around, trying to find my place. I struggled with: How will I help my husband keep food on the table, how will I finish my Masters, how can I accomplish my dreams while also being a mother, and how was I going to accomplish all of this while revering and honoring my God?
It was at this pivotal moment in my life, that I can never erase from my memory, that all of it finally smacked me upside the head. Everything that I had learned from my Bible, and everything that I had experienced up until that point finally sunk in. It finally started to make sense to me. This was the day that I found myself sitting at the Children’s Hospital waiting in the Children’s Oncology and Hematology clinic getting my 18-month old daughter tested for cancer.
No One Knew
No one but my husband, our pediatrician and I knew that we were there. I’m not sure we ever actually told anyone about this very scary 5-6 months of our lives. We didn’t say anything to anyone, because we didn’t want anyone to worry prematurely, but my husband and I sure
“Who am I Living For?”
However, I still remember very clearly sitting in the waiting room watching Exhausted moms bringing their even more exhausted young bald-headed children in and out of the clinic. Looking at my baby girl soon to be tested for cancer, thinking about my recently diagnosed Autistic son, and wondering “who am I living for?”
This moment put all of my struggles to achieve my goals into perspective for me. It’s not that I’m against achieving goals, but I know better now that my goals will never be as important as the lives of my children. I chose that very moment on that very day, that my life will look different from what I wanted it to be. And I finally realized that I am ok with it. I am happy with that decision. And I am thankful to God who showed this to me when I was being very stubborn.
For me, my goals were refocused. The lives of my children and my husband (others) are more important than the achievements that I wanted for myself. I went from looking at my life as a successful woman trying to fit “child of God”, “spouse”, and “mothering” into it. To looking at my life as Woman of God, Spouse, and Mother who fits other things into her life.
Blessings on Top
My main duty is to God and my family and I’ve found this is a much better place to view my life from. It has a sturdier foundation. It is backed and held by Love. If these three things in my life (Relationship with God, husband and children) are solid, anything else I add to my life are blessings on top.